Where we were one year ago.
There are moments in every life that leave you no choice but to stop and pray. Not everyone has the same beliefs and not everyone prays the same way. But everyone at some point in there life will find themselves faced with a situation so overwhelming, so confusing, so frightening that without thinking... you find yourself praying.
We found ourselves swimming in these moments a year ago. Hayden was less than a month old, I was still recovering from surgery, John was doing whatever he could to keep us a float. The fact was... we had both been out of work for the previous few months... me do to bed rest and John do to the economy. We had worked out an arrangement with our mortgage company (or so we thought) and I continued to follow up with them weekly. I began to get a bit nervous... everyone we spoke with said the same thing "everything is good... paperwork just takes a long time", I decided that I needed a date of when we would have this agreement in writing... this agreement that meant we had not payed our mortgage in almost 6 months... LONG story short, a conference call with a bank supervisor, myself, and my father ended in the sickening reality that the bank had denied this agreement and never told us. The house was in foreclosure.
In our hearts we new that what was important was the health and safety of our family. Where ever we ended up living... we would be together with our new baby. Telling our minds what our hearts new, that was a different story. I spent hours calmly rocking my newborn in the rocking chair praying that we find peace... not even for our house to be saved, but that we find peace. Never before would I have had the calm strength within me to get through this, but Hayden gave me that strength and clarity. It was so important to me to provide Hayden with a peaceful environment to not let his first few months be filled with stress and worry... so the morning and the anger came when he was sleeping. I was able to look at the absolute disaster occurring in my life and "let go and let god" if you will. There were moments of pure panic, moments of unwanted embarrassment and many moments of fear for the unknown. This was supposed to be the home Hayden grew up in... what would we do know?... how and why was this happening?
It was not for another two months that we were blessed with the presence of peace... tax returns and selling some property and this entire, un-necessary mess was all going to go away. Our frustration with the corporate world however was/is stronger than ever. Even with, maybe especially because of Hayden we found ourselves in moments of silent cries and prayers.
Today one year later as we celebrate the holidays and Hayden's first year we are reminded of pain and suffering, of hardships and of loss as people in our lives find themselves in moments of confusion and doubt and sadness in an unjust world. We have been blessed to have the oppertunity for me to bring in an income while staying home with my baby and John has steady work even now which is a first in many years.
What a difference a year makes. May 2011 bring amazing moments of peace for all those in need especially to those in our lives that have been such pillars of strength and faith throughout the challenges and fears we have faced this last year. What a difference a year can make.
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