What a difference a year makes...

Where we were one year ago.


There are moments in every life that leave you no choice but to stop and pray. Not everyone has the same beliefs and not everyone prays the same way. But everyone at some point in there life will find themselves faced with a situation so overwhelming, so confusing, so frightening that without thinking... you find yourself praying.

We found ourselves swimming in these moments a year ago. Hayden was less than a month old, I was still recovering from surgery, John was doing whatever he could to keep us a float. The fact was... we had both been out of work for the previous few months... me do to bed rest and John do to the economy. We had worked out an arrangement with our mortgage company (or so we thought) and I continued to follow up with them weekly. I began to get a bit nervous... everyone we spoke with said the same thing "everything is good... paperwork just takes a long time", I decided that I needed a date of when we would have this agreement in writing... this agreement that meant we had not payed our mortgage in almost 6 months... LONG story short, a conference call with a bank supervisor, myself, and my father ended in the sickening reality that the bank had denied this agreement and never told us. The house was in foreclosure.

In our hearts we new that what was important was the health and safety of our family. Where ever we ended up living... we would be together with our new baby. Telling our minds what our hearts new, that was a different story. I spent hours calmly rocking my newborn in the rocking chair praying that we find peace... not even for our house to be saved, but that we find peace. Never before would I have had the calm strength within me to get through this, but Hayden gave me that strength and clarity. It was so important to me to provide Hayden with a peaceful environment to not let his first few months be filled with stress and worry... so the morning and the anger came when he was sleeping. I was able to look at the absolute disaster occurring in my life and "let go and let god" if you will. There were moments of pure panic, moments of unwanted embarrassment and many moments of fear for the unknown. This was supposed to be the home Hayden grew up in... what would we do know?... how and why was this happening?

It was not for another two months that we were blessed with the presence of peace... tax returns and selling some property and this entire, un-necessary mess was all going to go away. Our frustration with the corporate world however was/is stronger than ever. Even with, maybe especially because of Hayden we found ourselves in moments of silent cries and prayers.

Today one year later as we celebrate the holidays and Hayden's first year we are reminded of pain and suffering, of hardships and of loss as people in our lives find themselves in moments of confusion and doubt and sadness in an unjust world. We have been blessed to have the oppertunity for me to bring in an income while staying home with my baby and John has steady work even now which is a first in many years.

What a difference a year makes. May 2011 bring amazing moments of peace for all those in need especially to those in our lives that have been such pillars of strength and faith throughout the challenges and fears we have faced this last year. What a difference a year can make.

Hayden turns One!

Hayden Lahti Belfy born at 11:57am on December 22, 2009.

5 pounds 11.9 ounces and 19 inches long

Full of love and peace and personality right from the start.

My eyes leak with tears of bittersweet memories of this last year. I put away the rest of his clothes that he has out grown and decided to get out his preemie outfits, I needed to see the difference a year makes in something more than pictures. My heart filled with the memories of his tiny, perfect little body just minutes in the outside world and literally able to fit in my forearm. I am delighted and proud of how grown up he has become, but the twinge of sadness for those first days still linger.

He has changed and grown so much, here are the things Hayden has accomplished and experienced in his first  year!

Hayden Lahti Belfy  December 22, 2010.

  16 pounds 12 ounces and 28 5/8 inches long

One Year Old Today.

8 teeth and 5 more bulging, ready to pop through

                                                

Hayden Can...

Stand up on his own
Walk

Run
Climb

bend down without falling

Pick up toys while standing

wave

dance (he just learned to shake his booty)

kick a ball

roll a ball

use musical instruments

scribble with crayons

play peek-a-boo

play hide and seek

play chase

 "drive" (Ride on) his little car
Imitate others
Sing

Hayden's Word List...

Hi

Dada

Daddy

Mama

baby

bye-bye

he is so close to so many more!

Hayden's Favorite Foods..

Garlic Hummus

Roasted Red Pepper Hummus

Fermented Carrots and Dill

Kimchee

Goat Milk Kefir

Goat milk Yogurt

ALL fruits

ALL Veggies (not the biggest fan of Broccoli)

Organic Oatmeal smoothies

Carrot juice

Veggie Juice

Beans and Rice

Edamame Salad

Red potato and garlic soup
Creamy Broccoli soup

Barley biscuits

Veggie Puffs

veggie Spaghetti
Chicken salad with wild rice
Cinnamon spice cake (no sugar)

Hayden has never...

Watched TV/Movies

Had any Sugar of any kind

had any medication (oops, once for bronchitis)

had any pain reliever (other than breast milk)

been vaccinated

had processed foods

Hayden LOVES...

Outdoors

Baby Yoga

Baby Massage

Books

Music (especially Phish and sweet honey on the rock)

Playing with Friends

breastfeeding
going in the woods with daddy
Dancing

Hayden is still trying to...
Clap
Sign (eat, more, milk) he almost has it
 this list really never ends! Which is a lovely part of life

Looking at this list... I know I am leaving things out, trying to capture milestones and moments from the first year of your child's life is an amazing and emotional journey. Something you can never fully prepare yourself for, but if you embrace every part of it... you will learn more and love more than you ever thought possible! What a year!

Magical Moments

The night sky is dark, Snowflakes gently float down to kiss our noses.
The air is crisp with a chill that cools our skin even under three layers of clothes and the chatter of love and thoughtfulness fills the streets as we walk snuggled together in each others warmth.
A magical moment.

One year ago I lay in a hospital bed hugely uncomfortable, silently praying for a healthy baby and a peaceful delivery. John holding me tight as it occurred to us that this would be the last night of our lives that it would just be the two of us, Hayden did not join us for another three days, but we were right, it was our last night alone since my family and doctor after doctor were with us from the next morning until Hayden's arrival. One year later and we spent the first night alone together again remembering all the magical moments of the last year.

This year has been filled with moment after moment of awe and delight. Moments of overwhelming love and complete pride. Moments of admiration and faith.

Hayden has a big boy laugh now... a giggle that makes your soul dance, he fills the house with laughter as we sit on the couch and play games of tickle monsters and peek-a-boo. in between bouts of uncontrollable laughter he sighs deeply as he rest his head to my chest and cuddles for a moment while I kiss him softly on his head. Sitting straight up again... it takes just a moment for him to be ready once more. These are such magical moments.

John walks through the door after a long day in the cold, as he bends down to untie his boots Hayden hears him, and runs with hyperventilating excitement saying over and over "dadadadadadadada, daddy, dadadadada". When there eyes finally meet, Hayden lets out a squeal of joy and love reaching up for his favorite person in the world. John reaches down and lifts this tiny little person into a great big hug, saying to him "thank you for the hugs buddy, daddy loves you", smothering him with kisses their bond is full of love and trust and respect. Magical moments.

As I walk around the counter and into the kitchen, he can no longer see me. I hear quick little pitter-patters of tiny toes coming my way. A curious, sneaky little smile pokes around the corner and our eyes meet. The jolt of excitement of being caught rushes through him as he turns and runs out of site once more. back and forth he comes playing a game with me... where am I mommy? here I come. Oh no you found me!!! and over and over we play. a magical moment.

We pull into the drive way... impatience taking over, we are both so ready to see our baby this morning. Our first night away from him, less than 18 hours gone and we can not wait to see his face and snuggle his tiny little body. John walks in first and there he is, Grandma holding him, ear to ear grin and arms stretched out. Our family is whole again. I followed behind John my heart pounding to hold my sweet baby. As I pick him up and smother him with kisses and cuddles the emotions of the last years struggles and miracles  fill my heart and I can not stop thinking about how blessed I am. This is a truly magical moment.

Giving Thanks

The last child left at 5:05pm, I quickly made something for dinner and fed the baby. Bath Time, massage, books, nurse, bed followed. I briefly said hello to John as I walked out the door to head into town for some last minute items at the store. The house was messier than usual and I was feeling overwhelmed to say the least.

While I was still at the store my phone rang... "hello..." nothing "hello..." Sobbing. "Hayden it's mama, shshshsh, it's ok sweet heart, shshshshsh...." John - Honey Hayden needs you...

"Hayden needs you", those words play back to me while I hurray to finish at the store and safely speed home to my family. This day being the one of the first since he was born that I needed a minute. Just a little time alone. But Hayden needed me.

I walked in the door and looked into those weepy eyes as he reached out for me... A minute alone? there is no resentment, no frustration, truth is I needed him just as much! We snuggled down on the couch and as he nursed I sat silently in peace... a moment to my self, it didn't need to be alone.

As I softly lay him back in his crib, John came beside me and smiled at his peacefulness. I managed to get the house cleaned, the tables and chairs set up and decorated, I was just sitting down to wind my self down for bed, when that peaceful little baby of ours gave out a sequel, screech, and cry that made me jump out of my seat. Then the night really began. Who knows why (teeth most likely) but Hayden was awake for hours... when he finally went down, he would wake again just a short while later.

It was then 9:30am and family began to arrive, Hayden and I were beginning the day with less than three hours sleep. Twenty people for a lovely Thanks Giving Celebration in my home... they arrived at 9:30am and left at 9:30pm... Hayden was miserable, tired...too tired to sleep, I was disoriented and felt less than helpful in my own home and as the last of the guest left, John and I stood in the middle of our home and as I stared into the mess... I decided I really did need that moment alone!

It sounds of stress and frustration, but that is not how it felt.... there were moments of course, and there was sleep deprivation and overwhelming tasks but the feeling of Thank Giving this year was more abundant than ever for me.

I am so incredibly thankful for my strong, loving, honest parents who have given all they are to my siblings and I and now to my son. I am so incredibly thankful for my hard working, supportive, amazing husband. I am so incredibly thankful for my healthy, beautiful, miracle baby who has blessed our lives in every way and continues to do so each day. I am so incredibly thankful for my family and friends and for this life we have been blessed with.